There Was A Shift

In the last couple of months something started changing for me, or in me maybe. It had nothing to do with the outside world though, I think something just shifted inside of me. I didn’t suddenly decide I wanted to be a size 2 or have a six pack. I didn’t look at someone else and think “I want that.” I didn’t decide to start some diet health program where I follow some diagram or system to help you lose weight. Those are all things I’d done many many many times in the past and they never really worked. This time, it was something entirely different, something I don’t think I could explain with charts and diagrams, it’s just a shift.

I’ve had weight problems my whole life, it’s part of my genes and I deal with a lot of medical things that make losing weight really hard such as my hypothyroidism. Others problems include my job, my commute, my back pain and my sicatica/LCS in my leg. However, I started back on My Fitness Pal again, which I’ve done before, but this time for some reason I really decided to put in every single meal, even the not so good ones, after every single meal. I know that if I forget to put in a day of meals I will end up not tracking anymore at all.

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I started going to the gym regularly again and just trying to get more cardio but this last week I couldn’t do anything really because of my sciatica/LCS (I can barely walk at times much less run, there is some kind of nerve/muscle issue and I don’t want to make it worse). However it seems just being more aware of what I’m eating and deciding not to eat certain things based on what I’d eaten that day seems to have made a big difference.

August 6th

I admit I am eating more fruits and veggies than normally but not that much more than before. I’m drinking more water but not that much more water. I’m not really giving up any food, just being mindful. I don’t need to be some fit girl anymore that’s a size 2, I just want to feel healthy and good about myself. So far I’m definitely feeling better about myself and healthier, hopefully when I get this back/sciatica thing under control I’ll be able to take this up a notch but I think it’s good I don’t try to do too much too quickly.

Oh, did I mention, I’ve lost 16 lbs from my heaviest weight a few months ago? Yup.

Being Aware

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The last few months have obviously been really hard for me and because of all the pain I’ve been in I’ve kind of given up. Luckily I didn’t gain any weight but I didn’t really lose any weight either. I’ve been so miserable and in pain that I’ve been feeding the pain with food that isn’t good for me. I knew that going to the gym could help my back but I was just so depressed and so done with everything that I just stopped trying. It also didn’t help how tired I was all the time because somehow constant pain is exhausting.

Now that I am starting to feel better again, or at least slowly feeling better, it’s like the black cloud is fading away. The last couple of days I’ve had so much more energy and have genuinely wanted to eat better and go to the gym. I feel lighter and quite honestly, alive. The past few months I’ve felt like I was a zombie wandering around day after day.

I want to get into a routine of going to the gym but I don’t want to force it on myself because that never works. I actually like going to the gym, but when I turn it into a chore that’s when it all falls apart. I also want to keep track of what I eat everyday, which is easy to do at first and also easy to let fall by the wayside.

I’m on the site LoseIt in case anyone wants to join me! I don’t want to wander around in a fog anymore, I want to be aware and be present.