I don’t know if it’s that I’m a HSP or an introvert but the idea of joining in on the Black Friday insanity sounds like pure hell to me. In fact, something like that would be an actual nightmare I’d have. This coming from someone who will leave a store if it’s too crowded and go home. I hate going to Market Basket because it’s almost always crowded and customers tend to be really pushy and rude there. I can’t even comprehend people doing this by choice…for fun.
My whole life I’ve never thought much of it, I just thought I was really strange (well I am but that’s besides the point) but then within the last few years I realized there was a name for people like me. Someone who is very emotional, has an over-active imagination, craves connections with other people beyond the surface, worries needlessly, awkward socially, requires a LOT of space, gets overwhelmed easily, can see through people all too often to the point it’s hard to have relationships with people and very stuck in my head most of the time.
I’ve always cried at the drop of the hat my whole life and had trouble dealing with things that overwhelmed me but it wasn’t until I got older and I was at a party where I was having a nice time and suddenly I just felt exhausted and had to go into another room to shut down a bit. I just sat there alone in the room for a while not talking or anything, just trying to relax.
At the age of 35 now I know how much I can handle and how much is too much. I take a lot of time for myself now and don’t make too many plans for a short period of time. If I have a party to go to on a Saturday I’ll make sure that Sunday I have to myself. For me watching tv and reading is what truly calms me down and helps me deal with things better. Escaping for me is important, it’s a big part of being a pisces I think, having a world besides your own to go to when your own world is just too much.
Sometimes I honestly think this world is too much for me. This is one of the reasons I am not having children, because I think it will be too much for me. I think I could love a child with all my heart but I think I might go insane caring for one day in and day out.
So what I do is I try to make the best decisions for myself and let myself say no when I’m just not up for something. I take long walks when I’m overwhelmed and I don’t apologize for being who I am despite how few people get it. The only thing I still can’t help but wish for is for more people to understand me because it seems most people in my life just think I’m weird and don’t bother to really figure me out.
- Right now I’m reading The Spectacular Now and loving it, it’s reminding me of reading One Day and I looooooved that book, read it several times now. I just really hope I don’t end up curled up in a ball and sobbing at the end like with the latter book.
- I had some horrible thigh pain this week that made it hard to walk or even move my leg but it’s mostly gone now. I am planning to go back to the gym tomorrow even though my Chiro said no elliptical or treadmill but I think the treadmill will be ok. I figure that not exercising isn’t good either and I can’t walk outside everyday. Plus, I get a better workout at the gym.
- My show Skins is over and I’m sad but I think it’s time to let it go and by let it go I mean just continually watch the old episodes over and over and over again.
- On the plus side Breaking Bad is coming back on Sunday. I can’t decide if I should go watch it at one of Manly Man’s friend’s houses or just wait to see it on Monday. If I watch it at their place and they piss me off during it it’s not going to be pretty.
- I finished The Sopranos and don’t know if I want to write up a post now comparing it to Breaking Bad or wait until Breaking Bad is over? I mean, it’s only 8 more episodes. ::sniff::
- Sometimes I think I really want to have friends over or go see friends and then I think, no, I think I’ll lay in my hammock or go to my beach instead. Just thinking about dealing with people makes me tired.
- Speaking of people, family, sigh. Can I just move to England now and just give up on being close to my family?