My whole life I’ve never thought much of it, I just thought I was really strange (well I am but that’s besides the point) but then within the last few years I realized there was a name for people like me. Someone who is very emotional, has an over-active imagination, craves connections with other people beyond the surface, worries needlessly, awkward socially, requires a LOT of space, gets overwhelmed easily, can see through people all too often to the point it’s hard to have relationships with people and very stuck in my head most of the time.
I’ve always cried at the drop of the hat my whole life and had trouble dealing with things that overwhelmed me but it wasn’t until I got older and I was at a party where I was having a nice time and suddenly I just felt exhausted and had to go into another room to shut down a bit. I just sat there alone in the room for a while not talking or anything, just trying to relax.
At the age of 35 now I know how much I can handle and how much is too much. I take a lot of time for myself now and don’t make too many plans for a short period of time. If I have a party to go to on a Saturday I’ll make sure that Sunday I have to myself. For me watching tv and reading is what truly calms me down and helps me deal with things better. Escaping for me is important, it’s a big part of being a pisces I think, having a world besides your own to go to when your own world is just too much.
Sometimes I honestly think this world is too much for me. This is one of the reasons I am not having children, because I think it will be too much for me. I think I could love a child with all my heart but I think I might go insane caring for one day in and day out.
So what I do is I try to make the best decisions for myself and let myself say no when I’m just not up for something. I take long walks when I’m overwhelmed and I don’t apologize for being who I am despite how few people get it. The only thing I still can’t help but wish for is for more people to understand me because it seems most people in my life just think I’m weird and don’t bother to really figure me out.
I reached the weight that I put down for the Challenge I joined at work and the challenge is over officially and I came in 4th place. I can’t believe. I’m still in shock but taking it one day at a time.
Here are some pretty graphs of my progress:
In one month I have only gone over calories like 3 times, which I think is pretty good. In fact, I think I need to lower my daily calories but I’ll wait to do that when the Challenge is over next week. So My Fitness Pal can stop yelling at me for being too far under my daily calories.
Here are some of my other goals:
- Next Weight goal is a big one, not telling you the amount but it’s huge for me and it’s only 4 lbs away.
- Size 16.
- March (possible Florida trip with my husband, brother, SIL and parents) going back to a spot we used to go all the time when I was young.
- Hiking next spring/summer (haven’t been able to do anything like that for a while, one time I was doing a photo shoot with a friend and I was having a hard time breathing and sweating so much)
I don’t want to get too carried away and put too much pressure on myself, it is what it is. So far I’m doing good and I want to focus on today, not tomorrow.
So I got rid of my IUD (Mirena) because I’ve had a lot of problems over the last 6 or so years and was starting to wonder if any of it was because of my IUD. I know that once I had it removed I felt so much better, it’s hard to explain how. I won’t go into lots of TMI detail about my IUD but I believe it did cause a LOT of my weight gain and possibly a lot of my hormone problems.
Ever since I got it removed I am however having menopausal symptoms, like hot flashes, which are unbelievably awful. Some mornings my hormones are so out of whack I just want to curl up and die but I have heard it takes a while to your body to adjust to the removal of an IUD so I’ll be patient.
I also read that Mirena can cause lower back pain and I wonder how much of my back pain had to do with this, some of it possibly. Yesterday I got a steroid shot in my spine, which seems completely insane but apparently a lot of people do it and I think I was in and out of the hospital in under 30 minutes. The shot itself was kind of painful-ish but mostly just unpleasant, hard to explain.
When I got home the numbness wore off and I had a lot of pain but mostly pain like my old back pain, when I was just in pain 24/7 and my legs just felt really weird, sort of like Restless Leg Syndrome where I couldn’t sit still, I had to keep moving them.
So I’m not even 24 hours with the shot yet so I can’t really tell you if it worked but I feel pretty good today, just a bit of pain I think where the shot was administered. I’m still going to go to the Chiropractor because I know I’ve gotten a lot better since I’ve been getting Chiropractic therapy and I believe it’s also helped with getting healthier in a lot of other ways. I still have better allergies than before and breathe better. I have more energy than I’ve had in a long time.
To anyone having trouble losing weight my recommendation is:
- Go to a Chiropractor
- Focus on your health and focus on feeling better, not on losing weight.
I think these things have helped me enormously in so many ways and I’m a happier person as well, which is more important than anything.
In the last couple of months something started changing for me, or in me maybe. It had nothing to do with the outside world though, I think something just shifted inside of me. I didn’t suddenly decide I wanted to be a size 2 or have a six pack. I didn’t look at someone else and think “I want that.” I didn’t decide to start some diet health program where I follow some diagram or system to help you lose weight. Those are all things I’d done many many many times in the past and they never really worked. This time, it was something entirely different, something I don’t think I could explain with charts and diagrams, it’s just a shift.
I’ve had weight problems my whole life, it’s part of my genes and I deal with a lot of medical things that make losing weight really hard such as my hypothyroidism. Others problems include my job, my commute, my back pain and my sicatica/LCS in my leg. However, I started back on My Fitness Pal again, which I’ve done before, but this time for some reason I really decided to put in every single meal, even the not so good ones, after every single meal. I know that if I forget to put in a day of meals I will end up not tracking anymore at all.
I started going to the gym regularly again and just trying to get more cardio but this last week I couldn’t do anything really because of my sciatica/LCS (I can barely walk at times much less run, there is some kind of nerve/muscle issue and I don’t want to make it worse). However it seems just being more aware of what I’m eating and deciding not to eat certain things based on what I’d eaten that day seems to have made a big difference.
I admit I am eating more fruits and veggies than normally but not that much more than before. I’m drinking more water but not that much more water. I’m not really giving up any food, just being mindful. I don’t need to be some fit girl anymore that’s a size 2, I just want to feel healthy and good about myself. So far I’m definitely feeling better about myself and healthier, hopefully when I get this back/sciatica thing under control I’ll be able to take this up a notch but I think it’s good I don’t try to do too much too quickly.
Oh, did I mention, I’ve lost 16 lbs from my heaviest weight a few months ago? Yup.
Yep, now I’m not just dealing with a protruding disc (lower back pain) but I’m also dealing with this shooting pain in my thigh, which I guess is called Lower Cross(ed) Syndrome. From research I think this comes from using the elliptical a lot lately but now I can barely move my leg without shooting pain. I’ve been researching this a lot and found some yoga to try, although I have to wait until the pain isn’t so intense. I’m determined to get to the gym today or at least get some cardio outside, one way or another. I’m sad though, I really like the elliptical and get a really good workout with it. I really don’t want to give up on regular cardio though so today I plan to attempt the treadmill, I hope it doesn’t make me worse.
I’ve had a bit of drama in my life lately but through this I’ve realized how much I’ve grown up because of how I’ve handled it. To be fair I posted a few things on Facebook and wrote a couple of blog posts out of anger but I don’t really regret it because the people it was about don’t follow me, anymore, so it wasn’t done to hurt them, just for me to vent. Still, not the most mature way to handle things.
However, on the good side I’ve learned that feeding into irrational anger and arguments gets you absolutely nowhere. The best thing you can do when someone starts pushing buttons is to hide that message away for at least 24 hours and then revisit it if you want to. After 24 hours I’ve realized that there is no winning in this fight, it’s just going to get nastier and nastier as it progresses. Also there doesn’t appear to be a possible solution other than to just admit that the whole thing is pointless, which I don’t think will happen.
So the best thing I can do for myself and the situation is just to ignore it. My anger is gone about it all and I’ve moved onto not caring anymore. It’s so easy to get sucked into drama but eventually you get to a point in your life where the drama just stops being interesting anymore. I’m not going to let someone else’s issues cause stress and frustration in my life. I will not let this kind of thing take up anymore time in my life. I’m done.
I’m on a trip to Omaha Nebraska to shoot a wedding for my cousin as a favor, because I’m too nice for my own good. I’m glad to help out though and it’s great to see family but also I’m an introvert at heart, I have to have time to myself a lot or I fall apart. Right now I’m sitting in my hotel room trying to rest my back before the wedding and watching a sitcom.
I went out into the city earlier to try to get my hair done and it was all a big FAIL. First of all everywhere I drive seems to have speed bumps, which sucks if you are trying to stand up your phone to follow the GPS and every time you hit a bump it falls on the floor. Almost every channel on the radio is country, which I’m not a fan of. The rest seemed to be pop and Jesus stuff. I finally found what appeared to be an 80s channel and that was fine.
I just feel out of my element here and keep wanting to be in my hotel room. The scenery, the long roads you can see off in the distance are fascinating me. I’m ready to get the wedding done, I hope it all goes well. It’s good to get away sometimes I think, it reminds you of how great you have it at home.